Not Quite the Perfect Revenge
by TheShatteredRose
Summary: Can be seen as a sequel to "A Sprinkle Of Fairy Dust" and "Candy Escape Plan". Ukitake was caught trying to sneak out of Division Four...by Captain Kenpachi! Will Zaraki finally get his revenge on Ukitake?


**Title: **Not Quite the Perfect Revenge

**Summary:** Ukitake was caught trying to sneak out of Division Four...by Captain Kenpachi! Will Zaraki finally get his revenge on Ukitake?

**Pairings:** None

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of the Bleach series, especially not the ever pretty Juu-chan.

**Warnings:** Only a couple of swear words at the very end, from Kenpachi, of course.

**AN: **Gah, sorry for not updating for a while. Christmas is a hectic season, huh? Anyway, this can be seen as a sequel to "A Sprinkle Of Fairy Dust" and "Candy Escape Plan", though it's not as funny as either of those two stories in my opinion. Still, this idea wouldn't leave me alone and it's been bugging me for quite some time. I had to do it, you see?

Enjoy reading!

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Dropping down from the roof into a back alleyway behind the barracks of the Division he had no choice but to escape from, Ukitake took a moment to catch his breath, trying his best to quell the need to cough by taking deep and soothing breaths. He was slightly breathless from escaping through a fourth floor window.

Still, he felt somewhat pleased with himself.

Despite his sometimes quite noisy and highly inconvenient illness, he had managed to avoid most of the wandering Division Four squad members that often patrol the area, so he was almost free.

It was probably a little bit drastic and Ukitake had no doubt that Shunsui would laugh hysterically after he tells him, but he just had to do it. He had to break out of Division Four after spending the last three days under their care because of his illness flaring up just a little.

He wasn't even that ill, he didn't even cough up any blood. While it was nice that Retsu was concerned that his minor coughs could lead to something more hideous, he couldn't stand the thought of lying in that bed, in that stuffy white room for one more day. Besides, he was just taking up a bed, a bed that someone in more of need than he could need or use.

There was no doubt in his mind that he was going to get a bit of a lecture from Captain Unohana sometime in the near future, but if he can make it back to his beloved Ugendo, it'll be worth it.

Just a little bit further now and he...

He just ran into something hard...and tall...and rugged...and breathing...and familiar...

"Trying to sneak off, eh?"

Ukitake bit his lip and his body gave a light tremble as he stumbled backwards rather awkwardly, a shadow falling over him like a cloud of impending doom. He knew this shadow. While he, himself, was quite tall, this man, however, was far larger in stature that he could ever be – seven foot of hardened muscle, shoulders forbiddingly broad even underneath all those white bandages that covered his torso, his strong legs set firmly apart.

Captain Zaraki Kenpachi.

All ready for action.

"Ah, no," Ukitake replied as he tried to give a small, carefree smile. "I was simply taking a walk to get some fresh air."

Kenpachi's smirk, however, just widened. "Right."

Ukitake felt his shoulders droop a little, almost as if in defeat. He knew, despite being a captain far longer than Kenpachi had and despite knowing that he could possibly get away by Shunpo, he knew he couldn't escape in his current condition. And he most certainly wasn't going to run pass him, with his illness making a rather inconvenient and minor comeback, he wasn't stupid enough to put more strain on his already fragile body. And he didn't have any candy on him, so he couldn't call for Yachiru's unintentional help like last time.

Besides, Kenpachi was aware of that trick now, so he was what the younger generation would say; utterly screwed.

"Not going to make a break for it, Twinkle-toes?"

If he didn't have this incessant cough, he most certainly would.

"You're going to hand me over to Captain Unohana, aren't you?" Ukitake asked in returned, wincing ever so slightly when that smirk of his turned slightly feral.

"You don't want to go back?" he asked as he advanced toward him, finding a sense of manic glee at his situation.

"Not in particular," Ukitake muttered after he licked his lips.

"Well, that's too bad," Kenpachi laughed sadistically before reaching forward to grab him oh-so easily around the waist that it was embarrassing and flung him over his shoulder. Ukitake let out an 'Oof!' like sound at the gracelessness of the sudden movements before sighing in defeat and resting his chin in the palm of his hand, his elbow doing very little to dig into the muscles of Kenpachi's back.

Why Kenpachi was doing this, Ukitake had a fair idea. Something to do with 'fairy dust' and 'candy' most likely.

"...This is revenge, isn't it?" he asked as his hair fell around his shoulders, doing his best to ignore the startled looks he was receiving from his fellow Reapers.

"Not even close," Kenpachi replied and Ukitake could just hear him sniggering. "I'm still gonna kick your ass sooner or later."

Ukitake sighed again. "I see..."

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him as they drew nearer to the Division Four barracks.

"Weren't you admitted in Division Four's care as well?" Ukitake asked. He did seem to recall hearing about numerous Division 11 members being admitted for some cuts and bruises after encountering a rather large hoard of Hollows during a supposedly routine mission.

"She said I could leave early if I bring ya back," Kenpachi so kindly answered.

"What?" he uttered in surprise.

Ukitake furrowed his brow and frowned. That didn't sound like anything Retsu would say. She was pretty adamant that all her patients stayed for the recommended time. Only under extreme circumstances would she let anyone leave early.

Normally, if you wanted to get out of Division Four's care early, you had to sneak out behind her back.

Hence why he climbed through the window in the first place.

Captain Unohana was up to something. And he was actually pretty interested as to what it could be.

This might prove amusing.

"Ah, Captain Kenpachi, I see you have found Captain Ukitake."

Ukitake winced and coughed a little when Kenpachi all but dumped him inelegantly onto a hospital bed, Captain Unohana standing on the other side of the room, wearing that motherly, yet utterly dangerous, smile of hers.

"I just wished for some fresh air," Ukitake tried fruitlessly tried to explain in hope she doesn't go for something extreme like using a form of restraining Kaidou on him in order to make sure he stayed in bed.

However, Unohana merely opened those eyes of hers and nodded her head ever so slightly...not believing him for an instant. "Of course," she said, almost patronizingly, yet maternal at the same time.

Ukitake couldn't help but wince again when Unohana began to cross the room and he sunk down against the pillows. "This is a cruel form of revenge, Kenpachi," he muttered under his breath, granting Kenpachi an uncharacteristically sour look.

Kenpachi just let out a bellowing laugh, seemingly pleased that he had won before turning on his heel, ready to stalk out of the room, his head held high, and out into freedom of the Seireitei.

"Where are you going, Captain Kenpachi?"

Unohana's voice stopped him dead in his tracks, prompting Kenpachi to turn around and give her a rather pointed look. "I lived up to my part of the deal," he said.

"About that..."

"Eh?"

That smiled turned even more dangerous, the atmosphere becoming tense as she folded her hands in front of her, gazing fearlessly up at the towering man. "I've changed my mind."

Ukitake hid a smile as Unohana then pulled out a rather large needle from her Captain's haori and advanced upon a rather stunned Kenpachi, smiling that oh-so dreaded smile of hers, her eyes narrowing mercilessly. There was no chance in hell of escaping now.

Ah, this was what she had been planning.

Fifteen struggling and somewhat highly hilarious minutes later, Ukitake was snuggled under his blankets of his bed, happy in the knowledge that he may be let out tomorrow if he promised to behave and not try to sneak out again. He promised that he would, especially now that he had some company to keep him entertained.

He rolled over onto his side, resting his head in the crook of his elbow, on the pillow, to look at his new roommate, who was glaring with intense, murderous rage at the wall opposite his hospital bed.

He actually looked like he was sulking, the way he was sitting up in his bed, white sheets pooled around his waist and his arms folded tightly, almost painfully, across his chest.

And, my, was that a pout?

"She tricked you pretty well, didn't she?" Ukitake commented, smiling innocently as Kenpachi snapped his attention toward him, his expression nothing but pure disgruntlement as he glared down at him through his uncovered eye.

"Shut up," he snapped.

Ukitake, however, continued to smile, unaffected by the glare of death and murderous intentions coming from his roommate in waves. He was, actually enjoying his stay in Division Four barracks now. Kenpachi was actually offering him a bit of amusement, albeit unintentionally, as he muttered murderous promises under his breath. And they were quite creative and colourful, if he were to be honest.

He also heard 'White-haired Pansy' a couple of times, so he knew he was promising more retaliation for him, as well.

"If you weren't so bent on revenge, you may have gotten away yourself," Ukitake couldn't help but comment, which only caused Kenpachi's irritation to grow further, the monster of a man actually twitching. "It's not my fault you got duped, so there really is no point in getting angry at me."

"Che."

"I actually think it's quite amusing that you believed her."

"Just shut up."

"Even I know not to believe a promise that woman makes about getting out early."

"Just shut the fuck up."

"Although, it is nice that you _**decided**_ to keep me company, Captain Kenpachi."

"Didn't I tell ya to _shut the fuck up_?"

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Please review! I'm actually getting quite fond of picking on Kenpachi like this X3


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